The most important skill when you are young is called “independence”

In the background, I also received many inquiries about job hunting and life confusion. After looking at the problems a lot, I found a phenomenon. Although everyone’s confusions are different, many problems can belong to the same category. I call it:

Dislocation of identity.

That is, unable to pinpoint one’s own position and lose one’s own rhythm in life. I don’t know what to do, what not to do, when to do it, and when not to do it.

When in school, courses, exams, and credits are the goals, and everyone works in the same general direction.

Because the goals are the same, everyone can communicate and discuss with each other, which will make you feel safe.

But after you stepped into society, your goals spread out all at once, and you will find that each has what they do, and the life trajectories of the classmates around you start to be varied.

You do marketing, your roommates sell insurance, your girlfriends do education and training, and your good brothers do IT programming…

The life course of each other has also begun to be different. Some people get married and have children as soon as they graduate; Civil servants…

People who were once close have fewer and fewer common topics, which also leaves you lacking a ruler and reference. When you encounter a problem, you can’t solve it by yourself, and if no one can empathize with yourself, you will fall into helplessness and confusion.

At this time, independence is particularly important. This independence is not only independent of life and independent of work, but also independent of thinking and independent worldview.

It is the most important life test in the process of transitioning you from a student to a social person. So the younger you are, the more you must learn as soon as possible.

Now everyone’s living standards are getting better and better. Many parents born after 95 and 00 have good financial conditions, creating a very good material environment for their children to grow up.

This is of course good, but living a life without worry about food and clothing will reduce our tolerance for risks and suffering.

Especially after graduation, without the protection of school and parents, when you face all kinds of people in the workplace and complicated work tasks alone, it is easy to fall into a state of confusion.

If you compare a person’s life to a continuously advancing line, then this line should be a crest and a trough, rather than a straight line that slowly rises from low to high.

Living in a protected environment all the time, it is easy to develop inertia and feel that the world should be like this. Everything must be self-centered. If I am upset, I will lose my temper, shake my face, and stop doing it. Anyway, the family does not lack money, why should I suffer this.

It is excusable to think so, but this narrows the road.

Life can’t be smooth sailing forever, you will always be slapped by life at some point, and it happens that no one around you can help you, you can only face it yourself.

At this time, life is forcing you to learn to be independent.

Two days ago, I saw a question on Zhihu, “What kind of experience is the rich second-generation family going bankrupt?”

With curiosity, I browsed dozens of answers. To be honest, although everyone’s circumstances are different, the final growth is the same.

For example, some people have had no worries about food and clothing since they were young, and their parents have already paved the way for themselves for the next 20 years.

But one day, my mother was cheated in doing business and suddenly owed tens of millions in debt. All the houses and villas he lived in were mortgaged to repay the debts, and the family was forced to work in the dilapidated husband’s house.

Others have bought their own houses, and plan to inherit the family business after returning from studying abroad.

Who would think that suddenly his father suffered a physical accident and died a week later. Without the backbone, the family’s property was quarreled by several relatives, and the originally happy and harmonious family instantly became an insatiable devil.

In the end, I could only work to pay off the debts, while torturing for property with relatives, and at the same time taking care of the two younger siblings and weak mother in the family.

This experience of falling from heaven to hell at once is a devastating blow to anyone. But if you think about it from another angle, it might not be an early test of life, but this test is more fierce.

If it survives, the growth experience learned from it will be worth more than ten years of cultivation for ordinary people.

Grow up overnight, this is an insight that all the answering subjects mentioned. When I slowly accept the reality, my mentality will change from “Why is God doing this to me?” to “What does this matter teach me?”

For example, I have a more conceptual understanding of money.

I used to spend a lot of money in the past, and felt that all the money came from the wind.

As long as you open your mouth and ask for it, your parents will immediately transfer money to the bank card without any ambiguity. Buying luxury goods is the same as buying snacks in the supermarket downstairs. The price is never looked at, and you put it in the shopping cart if you like it.

But now, I have to keep accounts every day, and I learn to shop around when I buy things. Which supermarket is cheaper to buy vegetables, which website often has discounts for buying milk, and which store sells clothes in summer, so remember clearly.

The trouble is a little troublesome, but the money saved can be saved, and you can buy insurance for financial management, in case there is any big risk in the future.

In the past, I either drove or took a taxi by myself. Now I gradually feel that taking the subway is very good. It is fast and cheap. It is much more convenient than taking a taxi on a rainy day. Just walk a little more, Shinobu passed.

I used to eat out in restaurants, but now I think it’s expensive and has no nutrition. Cooking at home is hygienic and healthy, and it can save thousands of dollars in food expenses a month.

For another example, see the reality of human nature.

In the past, when the family was in good condition, there were people who flattered themselves in all directions. Face is what you care about most.

If you need help, make a call or post to a circle of friends, and within a few minutes, a large number of people respond immediately. This feeling of being held in the palm of the hand can easily produce the illusion that “the world is centered on me”.

Now I understand that those people are just asking for themselves. And they are not asking for you, but the family behind you, the power and influence of your parents.

Once these are gone, immediately disperse the birds and beasts. Regardless of your brothers and sisters, they are all false feelings, and only interest is the most realistic thing.

Another example is to understand that it is better to beg for yourself than for others.

Now you have to do everything yourself. If you do not benefit others, no one will be willing to help you.

So, you have to learn to study the difficulties of your work by yourself, go to the market and run customers by yourself, nod your head and bow down to endure other people’s cold eyes or even cold eyes, and the days of sitting in a luxury car and blowing air-conditioning in a hot day are long gone. NS.

When encountering a problem at work, I go to the Internet to find information and find cases. No one will give you instructions and listen to your arrangements. I am currently on the stage and as a salesperson and as a technical expert. I do the work of 3 people alone, and I don’t necessarily have a salary.

Does it sound bitter? But it is these experiences that can make a person grow up quickly.

Although most of us don’t experience a major life change such as the sudden bankruptcy of the rich second-generation family, some of the principles and lessons still apply.

These life tests are not unique to the rich second generation. Every one of us will encounter them after we leave school and go to society.

The only difference is whether you met earlier or later.

If it were me, I hope I meet as soon as possible.

Prepare early so that you won’t panic when suffering comes. Only if you learn to be independent as soon as possible can you set your mindset and deal with it calmly, and you will live a calm life in the next few decades.

For example, there are some young people around me who have far more depth of thought than their peers. They are not talented geniuses, but they have experienced more things.

Their experience in one or two years of life can be compared to what ordinary people have experienced in five, six or even ten years, whether it is work, life, friendship, love or family.

The crests and troughs of their lives are very close together, and they often have just experienced a bright moment in life, and they will soon usher in a difficulty or a blow.

This state of constant ups and downs brings them a broader vision of life.

I have not only experienced the highlights of success, but also tasted the sufferings in the world, and the tolerance for suffering has been continuously improved. Finally, I am not happy with things and not sad with myself.

When the problem comes, what I think is not to blame the heavens and the others, why the heavens are doing this to me again.

But to analyze and disassemble:

Have I encountered this before?

How did I solve it at the time?

How is the situation different now?

What mistakes did I make in the past and should I avoid this time?

What things should be paid special attention to?

What will be the best and worst results of this event?

These calm thoughts were impossible to think of in the first encounter. Only when I have learned a lesson, been beaten, and licked the wound will I remember it.

This process is called growth.

We often say, don’t be a giant baby in the workplace, you must stay away from Ma Bao.

Giant babies and Mabao came into being because they lacked experience and were protected in a very good place. Once they are released into the big rivers of society, it is easy to hit the ground and break the blood.

Because the world does not operate according to your logic.

It has its own rules. What you have to do is to learn and adapt to this rule quickly, instead of thinking about how to subvert and change it.

Having said so much, how can we be independent?

Finally, I share 3 key points for your reference:

Personality independence

Don’t cling to others casually, don’t believe in authority, and don’t talk about others. This is personality independence.

At the same time, he can complete a clear separation from his native family. This separation does not refer to emotional or physical separation, but economic and material separation.

In particular, many newcomers who have just graduated and stepped into the society have to complete the separation of self-personality and family personality, and establish a clear boundary between themselves and their parents.

The most typical performance is to be able to support themselves and not to “gnaw on the old”.

Once nibbling on the old becomes a habit, your parents will affect you in every possible way.

The reason is simple, the money is given by your parents, so of course you have to get your parents’ consent for what you want to do.

Only when you are financially independent can your personality be independent.

In addition, you can consult your parents on some major decisions in life, but you must make the final decision. And you can bear the consequences of all decisions, instead of asking your parents for help if something goes wrong.

Work independence

The simplest one can solve 80% of the problems at work alone.

For the tasks handed over, the projects to be completed, and the plans that need to be modified, I will figure out a set of methods.

Even if you can only find out a lot of things, you can still ask your colleagues or bosses around you for advice, and then you can check and fill in the gaps and improve your own method framework.

Even if you are a newcomer, you must have ownership of your job.

Since it’s your responsibility, don’t evade and don’t throw the pot, treat it like your own child, and try your best to do it well, no matter how small it is.

When you encounter a problem, think about it for yourself first, try to put forward a few hypotheses, and then find a way to verify the hypothesis. Instead of throwing everything at others when it comes, I can only act as a microphone.